I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
