guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
