The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my shit smells like andre
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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