he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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