At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
