these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
