Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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