he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she peed on how many people?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
