just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
