I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
