no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
