First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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