You can't special order awesome
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
