did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
