Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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