i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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