My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
