i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
