DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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