apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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