I think my fart just growled at me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
