Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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