Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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