Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
