how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
