Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
