New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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