lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
