In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
