So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
