so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
