While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh god it's open bar.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
