The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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