I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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