When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
