That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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