the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
smell my finger.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
