I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
