You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
