end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
