Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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