i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
