He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
