I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
