please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
