yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
