therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
