omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
