im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
