You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
