Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so let's talk penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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