I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
